


Maybe it's lust, maybe it's love

by TalesoftheEnchantedForest



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And Gabriel would do anything to please Sam, Everyone knows Sam is gay for Gabriel, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Gay Panic, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sam will sort this out quickly, but like, have no worries, minor female!Gabriel, this story is so predictable, title from that Chase Atlantic song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 14:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20977079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesoftheEnchantedForest/pseuds/TalesoftheEnchantedForest
Summary: Sam never intended to hook-up with the archangel Gabriel, especially not on multiple occasions. Well, falling in love with the angel wasn’t part of the plan either.Or, how Gabriel changes vessels to appeal to Sam while the hunter accepts his feelings for a rather childish archangel of the Lord.





	Maybe it's lust, maybe it's love

**Author's Note:**

> There seem to be few fanfictions about Sam accepting his attraction towards Gabriel so I decided to remedy that.  
Also, this fanfic was supposed to be 3000 words long. Opps, I guess? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I don't own any of the characters, only the crappy writing (I'm not a native English speaker) - but I wish you to have a good time while I deliver you your daily dose of Sabriel. ❤

It might have been the crushing and overwhelming feeling of loneliness and desperation. It had been a long time since Sam could hold somebody close to himself and feel the warmth of soft skin and the comfort of a tight embrace. It had been a long time since somebody had locked him in their arms and brushed their fingers through his hair soothingly. Dean had never been the openly affectionate type and he openly voiced his dislike regarding ’chick-flick moments’. 

That might have been the reason why it was so easy to pull Gabriel into a bone-crushing hug. To push their bodies together and feel the rhythm of another heartbeat. To breath in Gabriel’s scent that was sweet and calming and familiar. Sam finally had something permanent in his life. He had a presence beside him all the time to comfort and protect him in ways Dean could never do. Even though his brother tried to give Sam everything he possibly could, including the constant sacrifice of his own happiness, was something Sam highly appreciated and was grateful for having such an amazing and loving brother who would sell his soul again without hesitation if it meant saving his little brother. But Dean couldn’t provide everything Sam needed. The younger Winchester didn’t blame him for that, though. Moreover, Sam sometimes wished Dean would seek his own happiness as eagerly as he did with Sam’s. But in all honesty, their lifestyle was a barrier that would always remain and for that they took responsibility. They chose to be hunters. Although some may say it was impossible to escape the hunter lifestyle once you had a taste of it, Sam and Dean both proved it once that it wasn’t as foolish or impossible to dream of quitting, and to some extent, it could be achieved opposed to what others believed. 

So Sam craved normalcy and familiarity, as pathetic and crazy as that sounded. And he found a permanent figure in his life in the form of Gabriel. An actual archangel. He should have been terrified or at least a bit weirded out by the new route their life had taken but Sam had seen many things and experienced even more, making it hard to decide which memory was, in fact, the worst, so he found it rather easy to get accustomed to the new arrangements. Like Gabriel helping them out with research, saving Sam’s (and occasionally Dean’s) life multiple times to a degree it became a habit of some sorts. And there were those nights when Gabriel would decide to pay a visit in no other place than Sam’s bedroom where he would annoy Sam to no end and talk about ridiculous stuff or retell one of his many adventures as the Trickster. It was relieving to know Sam had an angel he could always count on because regardless their messy past that still defined as a sensitive topic to everyone, Sam had grown to trust and confide in Gabriel much to his brother’s and his surprise. 

Hugging Gabriel after a near-death experience was certainly new and shocking at first, but felt unexpectedly normal and reasonable. Gabe hugging him back, on the other hand, was thrilling and dangerous. Sam loved it. So it was no surprise for him when one night, after a long and exhausting research session, the angel suddenly appeared next to him, clearly to take his mind off of the case, and Sam felt this uncontrollable need to lean down and peck the archangel’s lips. Gabriel looked stunned and amazed at the same time, while Sam was just tired and sleepy (and a little bit lonely if he was being completely honest with himself) so he chose the person closest to him at that moment to satisfy his greedy needs. Sadly, Gabriel was the victim of his moment of weakness and took the wrong idea apparently because the next moment he was straddling Sam’s lap and attacking his lips with full force. 

Sam was flabbergasted and found it hard to elicit any kind of reaction out of himself. He just sat there like a post pole, completely rigid and unmoving until Gabriel’s tongue sneaked into his mouth and caressed Sam’s tongue gently but undeniable eagerness. Their tongues started dancing together and it reminded Sam of an old feeling he couldn’t quite place but happily welcomed, nonetheless. The feeling was nostalgic and faint. Even though it was hard to grasp, Sam later referred to it as ’lust’ and the ’need to be appreciated and admired’. He was desperate for attention and soft touches and kisses and those wet lips on his neck. He wasn’t aware of what he was doing for which he blamed the temporary and deceiving state of bliss and just went with the program absentmindedly as his hunger took over. 

They fell on the bed in a hot mess, hands and lips everywhere, exploring and experimenting. Sam embraced the old and almost forgotten feeling of desire. He wanted to be cared for. He wanted to be worshipped and admired. He wanted to have power over someone and swirl them around his finger however he pleased. It was weak and unfair of him, not thinking about Gabriel and his feelings, but at that moment, he wanted to be selfish. It was a heated moment of his remerging dark side, even if it was embodied by a different kind of want. 

It was a blur how they got rid of their shirts, flannels and pants but there they were, on a mattress, chests pressed to each other, heaving heavily and rocking their hips in unison. Sam knew that he was the one to blame for being so blind and reckless and not realizing how fast and how far they were going. He didn’t notice when Gabriel brought his hand down to his boxers to palm him through the fabric. He also wasn’t proud of how quickly he jumped back at the feeling of the angel’s hand on his half-hard dick. 

The situation progressed too quickly and now it was like getting a bucket of ice-cold water poured onto you. Sam quickly pushed himself up from under Gabriel and backed away ’til his back hit the headboard. He was finally aware of everything, where they were, what they were doing and what they were ** going to ** do. Sam’s heart was hammering from the adrenaline and his palms felt sweaty but for a completely different reason. He was not afraid to admit that he was panicking and it must have shown on his face because Gabriel’s seductive and confident smirk was slowly overtaken by a worried look, dismissing any attempt to bring his body closer to Sam’s. They were just sitting on the bed, now in a safe but tension-filled distance, one closing his eyes and internally scolding himself while the other stared at his human in confusion and concern. The air was thick between them and Gabriel was completely lost at what to do with an obviously freaked out Sam. Poor boy’s face was white as snow and showered in sweat. His wet locks were sticking to his forehead and Gabriel wanted nothing more than to touch that messy brown bush of hair but he decided to hold himself back for the sake of Sam. 

Gabriel inched a bit closer and Sam finally looked up at him, guilt shining in his beautiful hazel eyes. Gabriel hated the suspicious feeling that crept up on him. What did Sam feel guilty for? Did Gabriel do something wrong? So many thoughts circling in his head but the most powerful of them was encouraging Gabe to do ** something. **

„Are you alright, Sam?” He asked softly with a smile he hoped was comforting and reassuring. 

Sam felt even worse now as reality hit him like a tidal wave. His throat was so dry that he couldn’t get a damn word out of his mouth, his own actions making him sick in his stomach. His panic must have shown on his outsides too because in the next moment Gabriel gently took one of Sam’s hands and started drawing little circles on it with his thumb. 

„It’s okay, kiddo. Everything is fine, you can tell me anything.” Gabriel was so understanding and patient that it made Sam feel like the biggest douchebag in the world. „I promise I won’t judge. I once gave birth to an eight-legged horse so whatever’s on your mind, I can handle it.” 

Sam couldn’t help the genuine smile that turned bitter a second later. 

„Did I do something wrong? Was it too fast? We can slow down if you want Samsquatch, whatever you feel comfortable with.” And now, Gabriel was just acting like the sweetest guy in the world and Sam wanted the ground to swallow him. 

„No, it’s not about that. I…” Sam didn’t know how to get this out in the open. How could he explain that he kissed the angel on a whim, without giving thought to the consequences, and not sound like the soulless asshole he was. That he was just overtaken by the sudden need to be close to someone and he would have kissed anyone (except probably Dean) who had happened to be there in that moment. „It is not you, it’s me. Wait, no. I mean, yeah, but… it’s not…” Sam groaned in frustration. 

Gabriel was studying his face in silence, one eyebrow raised in expectation. Sam sighed in defeat. The angel deserved an honest answer, even if the truth was going to destroy their fragile relationship and probably make him hate Sam for life. 

„I mislead you.” Sam started, withdrawing his hand from Gabe’s. The angel seemed nervous and Sam wished he could take everything back because that sight was something Sam never wished to see again. God, why did he have to fuck up every good thing in his life? „I never meant to hurt you but I should have come clean at the beginning.” Sam took a deep breath. „I didn’t want this to go this far. I’m sorry. I think I just felt a rush of adrenaline and couldn’t think straight. This… felt nostalgic. It reminded me of old times. Jess, Sarah, Ruby…” 

„I don’t mind, Sam.” Gabriel’s voice quivered but the angel kept his posture and forced a vague smile on his face. „You are not ready for sex. I get it. All those past relationships, everyone dying around you and never founding happy ending… I totally get it.” Gabriel ranted and covered Sam’s hand with his palm once again, giving it a gentle squeeze. „We can keep it simple. Go on a date first, I’ll buy you coffee and maybe some rabbit food since you are so into that. It escapes my understanding of why you are so committed to starving your tastebuds but I can easily accommodate. We can watch a trashy rom-com and I can manipulate the weather so that it rains while we are standing in front of the bunker and I can sweep you up in my arm, or maybe that would be you ’cause you are a giant and it would look weird if I tried to lift you, although I definitely have the physical strength to do so, and we would share a kiss and laugh at how cheesy it is and then we could cuddle or whatever.” Gabriel was rambling and he squeezed Sam’s hand harder with every word, trying to hold onto the hunter. „I’m down for whatever you want.” 

Gabriel’s desperate gaze was piercing through Sam and it burnt him to his core. Sam slowly removed Gabriel’s hand from his and the angel didn’t resist. Gabriel followed the movement with his eyes and kept his head down when Sam spoke up. 

„No, Gabriel. What I meant is that… I should have never kissed you. I’m sorry.” Sam said, his words echoing in the soundless room. 

Everything was still for minutes. Sam was trying to capture Gabriel’s eyes but the angel kept his head low the entire time. His shoulders hang low, his whole body curling in on itself in a futile way of protection. Sam felt selfconscious all of a sudden and the room felt colder than he remembered. The covers were thrown on the floor and nothing was giving him warmth anymore without Gabriel’s body on top of him. Goosebumps covered his skin and he pulled his legs up to keep some of the heat his body produced and also to hide from the archangel and his soon-to-come wrath. 

But that never came. Instead… 

„Is it because I’m in a male vessel?” Gabriel’s voice was quiet, his whole body slouched over in resignation. Sam didn’t want to answer but he should have known better than to underestimate an archangel. Gabriel was always smart, after all, and anything but oblivious. 

„Mostly, yes.” 

Sam’s gaze never left the angel’s small figure as it reluctantly rose from its curled position. Gabriel’s golden eyes met the hunter’s and it was like a punch to the gut when Sam noticed the watery eyes blinking up at him. 

„But there are other reasons, too. I like you, Gabriel. And I appreciate you. As a friend.” Sam felt the need to clarify that, not caring how helpless he sounded. He felt drunk on power before, but he didn’t need the power if it meant breaking another person. „Our friendship is important to me and I don’t want to lose you. I can’t express how big of an asshole I feel right now and I understand if you decide to keep your distance after this.” 

Silence. It was more nerve-wracking than the first time. Sam wanted to scream and preferable run as far as his legs could take him. People said Canada was peaceful. However, there was a hurt and betrayed archangel in his bed for whose misery Sam was the only one responsible and therefore, he couldn’t leave. 

„Like I said,” Gabriel suddenly spoke, his voice firm and determined, tears glistening his eyes but not one being shred. „I’m down for whatever you want.” 

Sam needed some time to register the proposition behind those words, and even then, he was struggling to comprehend the angel’s suggestion. It sounded downright wrong. His lack of response was misinterpreted by the angel as a sign to continue: 

„I’m an archangel. I can change my hair, my height, my whole look and body. My powers are far beyond your comprehension and I am capable of doing wonderful and unbelievable things that humans can’t even start to imagine.” After this, Gabriel straightened up in his sitting position until his eyes locked with Sam’s, staring into the hunter’s very soul in a way only a celestial being could. „I can be whatever you want me to be.” 

And wow, those last words felt much heavier now, Sam thought. The hunter considered himself to be observing, resourceful and quite bright no matter how problematic his childhood was. Nevertheless, receiving an offer this honest and straightforward had him gapping at the angel who somehow got closer to him while he was inwardly processing the events. Sam was the smart one, yet, the only response he could come up with was: 

„What?” 

Gabriel looked unimpressed. He rolled his eyes and scooted up until he was laying on his left side next to Sam, leaning on his elbow with his head comfortably resting in his hand. Sam being shell-shocked would have been an understatement. The previous mischief and dedication returned from its hidden place and was clearly noticeable on the archangel’s features. Sam didn’t know how to react to this sudden change, he just felt really weird as the situation became more and more absurd. No way was Gabriel referring to… 

„I can change vessels.” THAT. „I can be your dream girl. Would you like that, Sammy?” 

Gabriel’s eyes bore an intensity close to the fires of hell, and Sam would now, he had been there. It was overwhelming and captivating and those irises seemed to be lurking him into forbidden territories. Sam had to stay sane and sober. He couldn’t make the same mistake again. 

„Gabriel, I can’t do that. ** We ** can’t do that.” 

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek and Sam was lulled into the false belief that the angel would finally drop it and forget about this mess (not probable, but they could always try) when Gabriel leaned closer, his face mere inches from Sam’s. 

„I just gave you my consent.” The angel whispered and his hot breath caused a core-shaking shutter to run down Sam’s spine. The hunter ignored how affected he was by the angel’s proximity. „You can do whatever you want to do with me. I give myself to you, Sam Winchester.” 

Gabriel was stroking his chest now with a seductive smirk playing on his lips that did wonderful and horrible things to Sam’s body and imagination. 

„You should appreciate it, Sam. I’ve never been this generous to anybody before. Never let anyone touch me the way they pleased. Treat me the way they liked. Have power over an archangel of the Lord.” Gabriel’s voice was rusty and sweet like honey and Sam couldn’t help but think that this is what it felt like to be drawn in by a siren. But it wasn’t a siren. It was an angel, an archangel, nonetheless. It was Gabriel. His friend. 

„Fine. You will do what I want, right?” Sam cursed his voice for sounding so unsure and powerless. „I want us to stay friends. I want everything to go back to normal so we can move on from this.” 

Gabriel had the decency to ** lick ** his lips and Sam’s eyes followed the movement without Sam’s permission. 

„Now, Sammich, I know this is not what you actually want.” Gabriel sing-songed, his smug smirk never faltering. „You forget that I am an angel. I can read minds. And _ oh my, _ the things that are going through that beautiful head of yours.” 

„Gabriel, I can’t take advantage of you. I won’t.” 

„As I said, you have my permission. I want this.” 

„But you, changing vessel? I don’t want some poor girl to have something forced onto her.” 

„It wouldn’t be like that. I am an archangel, I can create my owl vessel.” Gabriel explained calmly, removing his wandering hand from Sam’s warm skin and replacing his trademark smirk with a serious expression Sam had rarely seen before. „I’ve been on earth for thousands of years. You are mistaken if you think that I had only one vessel. It would have caught someone’s attention eventually so I had to change faces after a few decades.” 

Sam was awestruck even though Gabriel’s story made perfect sense. Sam had always known that Gabriel was one of the most powerful beings in existence but never actually considered the possibilities and options that came with that much power. Sam thought his curiosity was a blessing up until this point because it helped him stay motivated and focused even after hours of endless research. Now, however, it gave him ideas that scared him and fired him up simultaneously. 

„It will still be me. Just in a body that you would enjoy, too.” Gabriel elaborated. 

Sam knew he should have run out of the room as soon as Gabriel made his offer because by every passing minute his proposition seemed more appealing. Gabriel was persuasive and Sam was sure he would never be allowed to enter Heaven again. There was a war inside him between his logical mind and his human needs. Resistance and self-denying were virtues he was yet to develop and he felt as his body and mind slowly gave in. 

Gabriel, of course, was an onlooker of the battle inside the hunter’s mind and after Sam’s last thought, he victoriously pushed himself up on his knees and flung one over Sam’s legs so he could straddle his lap. Sam couldn’t believe what he was doing. It was sure not him, a demon or something else must have possessed him because he would never sleep with his best friend while the said person was wearing another face. 

Sam closed his eyes to take a deep breath and soothe his nerves but it was to no use with all of his attempts seemingly going to waste after he opened his eyes and came face-to-face with a divinely beautiful woman. She seemed to be the same height as Gabriel (it was him, after all, Sam had to remind himself) and she obtained the same mesmerizing golden eyes as the angel. The outstanding difference was between their bodies. She had a paler, peachy skin that made a perfect contrast to her dark and wavy hair. She had a slender figure with long fingers that were grasping Sam’s hair, thick eyelashes and eyes gleaming with maleficence. The hunter had time to admire her wide hips, strong thighs and full lips. Her breasts weren’t the biggest Sam had ever seen but he didn’t mind that at all and was a bit grateful for Gabriel that he didn’t go overboard and left some imperfections on her body he could discover later. She was more humanlike that way. 

„I’m gonna take you to Heaven, Sam Winchester.” She purred in a soft-spoken, silvery voice, giggling at the end and wrinkling her nose in an adorable way. 

And oh, was she right as her tender touches travelled down his chest and hipbones, soft lips tracing down his jaw and neck, sucking red marks into his flesh and making a visible claim on him. Sam was floating on metaphorical clouds and when his orgasm hit, it felt like he was beyond Heaven in a majestic bliss, and he couldn’t think about anything else than the angel under him. 

*** 

Sam wasn’t proud of himself and therefore, he wasn’t advocating his relationship with Gabriel. Nobody questioned why the archangel’s visits became more frequent, but then again, Dean and Castiel knew nothing about his late-night meetings with Gabe or the secret dates they would have on those rare occasions when Sam was left alone in the bunker. ’Date’ might not be the proper term but Sam refused to call them hook-ups and the angel didn’t intend to put labels on what they were doing behind locked doors. And it worked, surprisingly, for some time. 

Sam learnt to distinguish the two Gabriels for his own sake. The one he spent his daytime with and the one he called his friend: Gabriel No.1 whom he knew and considered predictable and trustworthy. Being friends with Gabriel was easy, regardless of what one would assume, even with the long mental lists of mistakes they both kept track of in their minds. The angel was funny, cheerful and witty. He was smart and cultivated, proving all of Sam’s preconceptions wrong. They could talk about almost anything involving serious matters and the hunter’s big questions about life and the world. It was no secret that Gabriel loved talking, especially about himself, but Sam could admit that he too liked the heroic stories and adventures the archangel shared with him. After a few months, Gabriel gradually opened up to him about his less heroic, downright shameful and pitiful past actions and in exchange, Sam told him about his own moments of weakness. Sam couldn’t remember the last time he shared so much personal information about his life and upbringing willingly. Gabriel knew him in ways that brought both relief and mild panic. Sam sometimes didn’t understand where they stood with each other, feared how deep this connection between them went, and dreaded the day this bond would break either because one of them would decide he wanted to stop seeing the other or in the worst case, one of them would die. And hell, was Sam scared to lose his friend. After all, everyone he slept with died at one point. That’s why he needed to separate the two Gabriels in his head. So he could keep his friend safe, somewhat isolated from the destructive hurricane that the hunter was. 

The Gabriel No.2, on the other hand, was fierce, passionate and excitingly dangerous. Other times, she was tender, soft and caring. Made Sam forget about the outside world and just concentrate on the moments of privacy they shared. Gabriel used to try different vessels but Sam grew kinda used to the first one, you can call him sentimental but, in all honesty, he just felt weird about sleeping with someone different every night, even if they were the same person technically. Sam found pleasure under the warmth of another body, hidden from curious eyes and alone in their world of intimacy. It was pleasant and satisfying to know someone’s body better than the back of his hand. He knew all of Gabriel’s sweet spots, the places she liked to be touched, the ways Sam could elicit the filthiest moans out of her and take them both to the edge of paradise. 

But it wasn’t Gabriel. Not really. It was her body. Or maybe his, but still not the Gabriel Sam knew and liked. She was someone non-identical, no matter how similar they talked or behaved. Sam felt like he was cheating on Gabriel when in reality, he knew that it was complete nonsense. First, Gabriel and that girl were the same people just in different meatsuits. Second, he and Gabriel weren’t even together. 

_ Argh, _ Sam wanted to rip his hair out sometimes. Their relationship was so confusing at times but Sam couldn’t put a halt to it. The same way he couldn’t quit drinking demon blood. He needed Dean’s help (and Bobby’s secret dungeon) to sober up, and even after that, there were times when he felt like he might relapse. 

Sam always woke up alone after a hot night spent together with the angel. He understood the reasons behind it, he very well knew how awkward it would be to face each other in the morning, not mentioning that it would destroy their little bubble of illusion to an irreversible degree. But the hunter couldn’t help but yearn for that simple sign of domesticity. His thoughts wandered back to his time with Jess and how good it had felt to wake up with her wrapped around him, holding onto him as if her life had depended on it (and the irony almost made Sam tear up). Then he would card his fingers through her hair or place a delicate kiss to her lips and she would smile up at him and Sam would feel like everything was okay. 

It was strange but he felt the same thing when Gabriel made him pancakes in the morning despite Sam declining it every time because the angel knew that later Sam would sneak into the kitchen and steal a few bites from the remaining pieces left behind by Gabriel. It was the same feeling when they sat next to each other on the couch or when Gabriel surprised him with a new book since the angel was aware of how little spare time Sam had to go and search for books just for the fun of reading. It was the same warm sensation when Gabriel laughed at his jokes or jumped in front of him to defend him from a monster. It was that tingling feeling that spread through him when Sam tried to make Gabriel taste vegetables and the angel dramatically threw himself on the kitchen floor and pretended to be dying while making all sorts of disgusted faces. 

And yeah, he sometimes missed Gabriel. Even in the morning. But wishing for something like that was too risky. It was too real. Too unpredictable. Too unsafe. Especially for Gabriel since Sam knew that eventually the angel would get hurt, physically or emotionally, maybe both. And Sam also knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle that. 

He had to play it safe, even if he knew he was hurting not only himself but Gabriel, too. 

*** 

„Let me help you with that, Sam-a-lam.” Gabriel squealed as he tore the bags from the hunter’s hands and sprang to the kitchen. It happened so fast that only after a few seconds could Sam catch up with the events. He smiled, as always, at the angel’s silliness and followed Gabriel with intentionally slow steps. This particular scenario played out almost every time Sam returned from shopping. It was such a regular scene, yet, Sam couldn’t imagine getting bored of it. Although, this time Gabriel had a payback coming. 

When he reached the kitchen, Gabriel was already rummaging through the groceries and the first signs of frustration and disappointment appeared at the corner of his eyes. Eventually, he turned to Sam with an accusing look: 

„Where are my sweets?” Gabriel asked with an adorable pout accompanying his little frown. 

„No sweets today.” 

„But you brought Dean his damn pie.” Gabriel growled. 

„Of course. He gets bitchy without his daily dose.” 

„I need my daily dose, too!” Gabriel whined at which Sam had to fake a cough to prevent himself from bursting into a fit of laughter. 

It was possible that Sam had never seen the archangel this enraged. From time to time, Gabriel managed to look seriously scary with the whole ’Heaven’s most terrifying weapon’ thing despite how small his vessel was compared to the hunter. Other times he looked like a grumpy 5-year-old whose candy had been confiscated from them. 

„This is not funny, Samuel.” Gabriel hissed and threw the bag onto the floor carelessly after finding no treats for himself. On the contrary, Sam found the situation very amusing. 

„Don’t laugh at me, this is serious!” Gabriel shouted like a child who was having a tantrum. Sam couldn’t suppress his laugh anymore and at his reaction, Gabriel just turned even more upset. „You have never experienced the true wrath of an archangel, Sam Winchester. You really don’t want to see that.” 

Sam knew he should feel at least slightly threatened but he couldn’t bring himself to think about anything else other than how cute Gabriel looked in that moment. A tiny little ball of rage. 

„You never eat anything else other than chocolaty and sweets, Gabe. It’s not good for your vessel.” Sam stated matter of factly. 

„Sam, which part of ’I am an archangel’ escapes your understanding?” Gabriel sassed back, rubbing his superiority under the hunter’s nose. It made Sam wonder not for the first time if Gabe was more insecure than he showed. There was definitely more to him than meets the eye. 

„You really didn’t bring me anything?” The angel asked with hurt evident in his voice and Sam decided to have mercy on him. He quickly fished out a bar of Hershey’s from his jacket pocket while the angel’s eyes fixated on him. Gabriel’s eyes widened upon realization and launched himself onto the chocolate. More like, threw himself onto Sam who succeeded to keep his balance why hugging an armful of happy angel. 

„Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…!” Gabriel reiterated while jumping up and down in his place which was too much happiness over a bar of chocolate if you asked Sam, but it was Gabriel, after all. 

The sudden wave of joy caused Gabriel to lose control over his body for a millisecond which, apparently, was enough for the catastrophe to happen. Because during his next jump, Gabriel absent-mindedly ** kissed ** Sam on the lips. It was just a chaste peck rather than a full-on kiss, but it was still more than they ever did (not counting that day in the library) while being fully dressed. 

Both of them froze to place, staring into each other’s eyes in horror and still locked ina loose hug. It was awkward and uncomfortable, tension filling the air and suffocating Gabriel, motivating him to do something that would change their current situation. Against their common sense, they stayed in that half-hugging position in which they could feel each other’s breaths on their faces and monitor every minuscule change in the other’s facial expression. Gabriel knew they overstepped a line they should have never crossed. A limit they set up without consulting about it and which existed between them nonetheless, marking the border between their daytime activities and night-time secrets. It was the line separating friendship and something else that Sam was too afraid to think about and what Gabriel was longing for. 

„You really had me there, Sam.” Gabriel finally spoke up, freeing himself from Sam’s strong arms against his desire to stay there forever, and tried to ease the tension with a weak laugh. „I almost thought you forgot about your heavenly handsome friend.” 

Gabe feared it was too much too soon but, fortunately, Sam gave a similarly forced laugh and tried to play it cool by sending Gabe a subtle smile, his cheeks burning like fire and Gabe could only hope that his embarrassment wasn’t that obvious. 

„I could never. I literally don’t know of anyone else who eats as many sweets as you do. I can’t help but think about you when I see candy.” 

Gabriel’s heart fluttered at the confession and the withering hope inside him was revived. _ Fuck. _ Frankly, he knew that what they had been doing with Sam was toxic, or at least didn’t do any good to his self-esteem and the way he perceived himself. He lied to himself, telling that he was the powerful one out of the both of them, but hardly anything could escape him, meaning that Gabriel was well-aware of his feelings, so obviously, he knew that Sam was the dominant one in their relationship. The Winchester was the one controlling their little play, he was the one with all the cards in his hands, using them the way he wanted and twisting Gabriel around his fingers like a puppet. But the archangel was the one to blame for submitting to a mortal man. Well, Sam wasn’t an ordinary man, Gabriel reasoned. 

His Father was probably ashamed of him. He failed as an angel, a Trickster and a Norse god when he let the boy behind his warded walls. 

Still, breaking their arrangement would mean losing Sam and Gabriel was ready to do anything but that. As pathetic as it sounded, Gabriel now depended on and was tied to the hunter. The archangel wished Sam would feel the same way so he could accept Gabriel’s body. Needless to say, the angel owned every vessel he had ever appeared in, seeing that he was the very maker of his manifestations, but this particular body was the one closest to him. There were many reasons for that including the fact that this small but muscular human body was the one other Pagan gods recognised as Loki. Also, it was the body Sam had first seen upon their meeting and known as the Trickster. All of his alter egos were connected to this vessel and, consequently, this was the one he felt the most comfortable in. Reasonably, he wished for Sam to approve of his body (silly though, he pretty much knew) or maybe even find it attractive. His true form could never be seen by the Winchester but this was as close as Gabriel could get to vulnerability and intimacy. 

Until that happens (_ if _ that happens), Gabriel had to pretend to like the fact that he had to put on another meatsuit on every occasion he craved to be close to the other. But Sam moaned his name so he had to know it was still Gabriel on the inside, right? It was stupid, Gabriel’s inner voice shamed him, he should be happy that he could have Sam. But, why didn’t they share kisses during the daytime? Or why didn’t they hug? Sam always seemed to step further away from him if they stood too close, always putting distance between them. There was this invisible wall stopping Gabriel to touch the man while he was being himself. It was infuriating. Was Sam ashamed of him? Did he consider Gabriel and their relationship a secret? He never talked about them in front of Dean. Even more so, he seemed to be avoiding that topic. It was like living in two different worlds: one where he wore a mask but could have Sam near him, and the other where Sam showed no signs of seeing him more than a friend. It would have been kinda comical, the _ cliché _ friends with benefits thing if Gabriel hadn’t been going out of his mind. 

Gabriel sometimes played with the thought of bonding with Sam while he was lying beside a sleeping naked body, delaying the moment he would have to get out of the other’s bed. Gabriel wished to be able to claim Sam for real, not with hickeys that he considerably hid with his angel mojo in the company of Dean. 

He wanted to make Sam ** his ** because, unfortunately, he was already Sam’s. 

*** 

Sam couldn’t recall a moment in his life when he found a male body attractive. Not even throughout his college years which had been abruptly interrupted years ago. Maybe if he had more time to experiment… 

Then what? Would he have been open to the idea of having sex with another man? Perhaps even dating one? Not probable since he was with Jess back then and he was pretty committed to her. Still, he can’t shake the feeling of missing something from his life. Maybe a phase where he could have sought the answers he so desperately wanted now. He and Dean were never like other teenagers and their childhood was far from normal, giving both of them few (if any) chances at experimenting usual teenager stuff. Like discovering yourself along with your identity and style, your preferences and sexuality, all details about your personality which you gradually shine a light on. 

Sam greatly understood himself thanks to the traumas he went through as both a child and an adult. He had the opportunity to see his best and his worst, using up that knowledge to set a goal to his life and create a picture of his future. He had an image in his head displaying everything he wanted to achieve while he was still alive. One of them was, as a long-time dream, leading a normal lifestyle. Or, at least, as normal as it could get while bearing his equal share of the family business. This is where the archangel came in. 

Could Sam imagine Gabriel as a part of his future? 

The answer was tricky because, of course, the archangel would (hopefully) always be there to help them with cases or just simply annoy them with his presence. But, considering the events of the last few months, Sam had to ask himself if he wanted to grant a bigger part for Gabriel. If he wanted him to stick around and be involved in something more serious and long-lasting. He could already fill books about Gabriel and his astonishing stories. They were practically ** together **. Well, they didn’t go on dates, per se, but they spent most of their times in each other’s company and shared intimate and personal secrets with the other. Sam sometimes considered the reason behind his openness and trust in the archangel to be the fact that Gabriel was an actual angel and his ’job’ was literally to bring peace to human souls. He was radiating some kind of warmth that was unique in its way. It was a divine and incomprehensible part of Gabriel that remained all the time and embraced Sam in the calmness it brought. This energy would linger even after the archangel had left and it always announced Gabriel’s arrival with its sudden appearance. 

Not many people could brag about knowing a true archangel of the Lord, but at the end of the day, Gabriel’s power and origin wasn’t what impressed Sam and made him stick around for more. Gabriel was an angel, no doubt, but he was surprisingly human, too. Sam noticed how strongly and passionately Gabriel experienced his feelings. Gabriel was either all in or nothing. He liked to live to the fullest and also wanted to share his joy with others. He liked to spoil Sam with gifts and surprise trips to exotic places on Earth, and as stunning as those journeys were, they would have never been the same without the archangel beside him. Gabriel was flawed, broken and had a dark side that would terrify anyone but Sam. The hunter knew and even faced his deepest and darkest demons and he was still alive and breathing. He carried these demons with him every day but so was Gabriel, and Sam found that the weight was lighter if he had someone to share it with. 

So yeah, Sam was now absolutely sure he wanted Gabriel in his future. 

And what if the archangel was in a male vessel? He didn’t fall in love with his body, after all. 

Wait. 

Love? 

_ Sam Winchester, you are rushing into something again. _ It was another problematic characteristic of him that he had learnt while dating Jess: he always fell hard. Usually on his face. Or into a cage. (Gabriel’s bad jokes were definitely rubbing off on him.) And these stories never ended well for either of the parties involved. 

But Gabriel was an archangel and there were few methods of killing such a powerful celestial being. Who else could be an exception to the curse that seemingly hung over Sam’s head, at least in the case of romantic relationships? 

Right, so he felt deeply for the archangel. This was new but not unwelcomed, he could cope with it which was more than he could have said a few months ago. He knew his feelings for Gabriel were entirely different than what he felt towards his brother and Castiel. 

Could they still be in a relationship and not have sex? 

Although, having sex with Gabriel must be amazing. ** It is **, in fact. They already slept together, Sam had to remind himself. But what it would feel like if it was the real Gabriel? _ His _ Gabriel. 

*** 

After his contemplation, Sam caught himself looking at the archangel under a new light. He stopped viewing Gabriel only as his adorable and dork of a friend, but rather as someone he deeply cared about and on whom he most likely developed – as childish as it may sound - a crush. Now that the barrier of denial was down and acceptance settled inside Sam, he noticed things that went through him before. And how could these details slip his mind? 

For example, one day they were hunting a pack of rougarous. Actually, there were three of them and they made a pretty murderous family. Also, they were tactical, splitting up the second the Winchesters and the angels showed up so Team Free Will had to follow suit and make two teams. They agreed that Dean and Castiel should go after the father and Sam and Gabe would handle the mother. It seemed like a great plan to have angel backup with both Winchesters so they settled on this and went their separate ways. Sam and Gabriel came across with the mother in one of the rooms on the second floor of the suburban house. She was smart, she called the police before the duo could discover her hiding place and taken that the family had a perfect cover in the city they had settled in, Sam knew they had to hurry if they didn’t want to end up in jail again. 

The mother, as it turned out, was well-trained in the field of close fight. Sam assumed that some of the victims put up a fight before they became the dinner of three monsters. Sam was taken aback by her moves at first which caused him to underestimate her skills, earning him a few unexpected punches that sent him flying into a bookshelf. Meanwhile, the sound of sirens broke through the night and as the police approached, Gabriel had to go outside and use his mojo to cover the place up in glamour. Hopefully, the police wouldn’t investigate the place further if it seemed empty from the outside. 

The mother picked Sam up and threw him out to the hallway. Her son – whose existence was unknown for the Winchesters until that moment - emerged from one of the many rooms and stood above Sam, pressing his foot down on the hunter’s neck and grinning triumphantly. Sam prayed for Gabriel to _ hurry the fuck up. _

Granted, the archangel appeared out of nowhere right behind the boy and grabbed the rougarou by his shoulder and tossed him backwards using only one hand. The mother was shocked at the sudden guest and it gave Gabriel the advantage to corner her up to a wall. She was evidently scared but didn’t give up and launched herself onto the archangel. Gabriel was impressed by her bravery but dodged her punches without much effort. She finally realised it was a lost cause and opted for picking Sam up from the floor and bringing the man close to his body, back pressed to her chest. 

„You make a move and your friend is dead.” She laughed, clearly satisfied with her idea of taking Sam hostage. 

A fatal mistake, Sam commented mentally after he saw the boiling rage inside Gabriel’s eyes. Sam almost pitied the woman. It crossed his mind that he could easily escape from her grasp but he was momentarily distracted by Gabriel’s figure. Because _ holy shit, _ the woman must have got close to the angel during the fight because Gabriel’s shirt was ripped to shreds in the middle but his perfectly defined muscles were free of any wounds. Not a patch of blood, Gabriel’s skin was smooth and sweaty and Sam was probably in trans. He never admired a guy’s abs before but he felt his body burning up at the display of warm skin. 

Sam was in a daze, so he didn’t remember falling on the ground as the woman was tossed to the other end of the room by an invisible force, a furious archangel right in her heels and trapping the rougarou into a corner. 

„Eating others is a douchy move.” Gabriel spat with dangerous mischief in his voice. „On top of that, messing with a Norse god was undoubtedly a stupid move on your side.” As the man’s eyes darkened, his smile morphed into a wicked smirk. „Wonder what it’s like to be eaten alive?” 

All of a sudden, every victim ever eaten by the woman was standing around her and forming a semi-circle. It didn’t matter that they were just projections created by an archangel. Their bodies felt real when they launched themselves onto the woman. Sam was lucky he couldn’t see the scene unfold before him because Gabriel’s figure was blocking the view, but he heard the desperate screams of a woman and the animalistic voices of teeth biting into muscle. 

Sam felt a bit dizzy from the fight and his back hurt like hell, nevertheless, a wave of relief rushed through him when it finally drawn onto him that Gabriel killed the woman. The archangel, as if on cue, turned around with a smug grin on his face and amusement shining in his eyes. Sam still left speechless from time to time by the archangel’s aggression, but he had to admit that Gabriel saved his life and it wasn’t like Sam didn’t kill monsters professionally. The archangel always had his ways of dealing with bad people and the Trickster persona still got the better of him on occasion. 

Gabriel’s smile was replaced by a tender expression as he leaned down to Sam and with a snap of his fingers, he healed Sam’s bruises and nausea. The hunter smiled back at him gratefully and pushed himself up to his feet. 

„Next time, you could hurry a bit more.” Sam grudged with a mocking smile. 

„Sorry, Sasquatch, I was held up by covering your mess from the police. And, you know, saving your ass.” Was Gabriel’s comeback and Sam had to laugh at his response. 

He felt immediately better with Gabriel around him. He didn’t want to deal with a dead body he knew he would find in the corner, especially if that body was in pieces. A shudder ran down his spine and it was probably obvious how affected he was because the next moment had Gabriel putting one of his hand on Sam’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. 

„I take care of it.” Gabriel said as if he knew what Sam was thinking. He probably did. „You go and find your annoying brother, ’kay?” And Gabriel _ winked _ at the end, a familiar gesture that caused Sam to suck in a sharp breath. 

Later that night (or morning?), Sam was lying in his bed and reliving those moments in the darkness of his room. He saw Gabriel’s passionate look as he did everything to protect the hunter, fire burning in his irises as he fought, and that _ damn _ playful wink at the end that made Sam’s legs feel like jello. 

Sam was so screwed. 

*** 

Sam might have been blind before. Or just dismissed every non-hetero thought and pretended they never existed or were simply platonic on his side. _ Oh my god! _He was being Dean. 

Anyway, now they became as frequent as blinking. 

One moment, he would be reading about witch spells of revenge in the library, the next moment, he would be staring at his archangel friend sitting across from him and sucking on a rainbow coloured lollipop. And what was that if not a sign from the universe? 

Sam also came to learn that Gabe loved baking but hated cooking and refused to make the Winchesters homemade meals, reasoning that Dean was the wife in the bunker and Gabe had no obligation to feed them. Gabe also enjoyed music from the 80’ and danced to it shamelessly which could be either funny-looking and adorable or feverishly sexy. Sam had to contemplate to a) mock Gabriel b) join him or c) devour him right there. He always chose to just walk away no matter how entertaining the show was. 

The other thing that changed was that Sam now looked at guys more often and more attentively. Not because he wanted something from any of them, but to simply satisfy his curiosity and get the answers he owned himself. So he looked, _ really _ looked. 

The results of his exhaustive inquiry came up with nothing. He was somewhat disappointed. It was an unrealistic expectation but he still hoped, now that he was more willing to consider the possibilities, he would get an easy and fast answer. He was waiting for a sign, like a rush, he would feel when he looked at an attractive man or tinkling hotness that would grow low inside his body if another male flirted with him, basically anything that would confirm that he was either straight, homosexual, bisexual or something entirely else. But life was true to itself, proving once again that answers were more complex and twisted than that, at least for him. 

He tried everything, including gay porn that he had to pay close mind to delete from his browsing history as soon as he realised it wasn’t giving him the kicks he was expecting. He didn’t go as far as having sex with a dude, but he wasn’t that desperate anyway. So what? 

He figured he was only attracted to Gabriel. Sam came to accept that thought. He didn’t have to use labels, Gabriel loathed them the same, as voiced by the angel on my occasions. Yeah, it took time but Sam finally felt like he was at peace with himself again. He could breathe. Now, however, he was back to square one with the friend-turned-lover-archangel situation. 

Besides everything, Sam’s previous persistence to keep a low profile of him and Gabriel started to wobble. He didn’t think of himself as the jealous type but, as the truth drew on him, he never had a reason to get all protective before. 

That guy over there, though, invading the angel’s personal space for the ten millionth time that night was seriously pushing his buttons. He was touching Gabriel in places that were definitely considered inappropriate, and the worst part was: the archangel didn’t even try to push the man away. Gabriel carried on dancing and shimmying closer to the body behind him as if he was actually enjoying it. Sam saw red. 

Okay, he did support Gabriel’s plan of splitting up to survey the bar where the mysterious disappearances had been happening for weeks at that time. They were suspecting that a nearby vampire nest was responsible for the dead bodies that were found drained from their blood all around the city by innocent civilians. The problem was that not every person’s body had appeared after they went missing so the Winchester assumed the vampires were turning folks, too. The most pressing issue though (at least for his brother) was that the bar had been the city’s most visited queer bar. 

His brother felt uncomfortable when a guy hit on him so he passed the chance to go inside and explore the interior. Therefore, Dean was sent upstairs where he could check the place if there were any signs of vampires in the building or anything illegal in case they were wrong and it was simply messed up human shit better to be left handled by the police. Castiel stayed outside to report if there was anything suspicious about the people who left the institution. Sam volunteered to keep an eye on the guests in the bar which was harder than it first seemed since it was a clearly famous bar with multiple regulars and which was probably packed even on weekdays. Anyhow, that left Gabriel (mostly because he was the most open to the idea of being touched and flirted with by members of any gender) to patrol around the bar and if they were lucky the angel would catch a vampire’s eyes and raise his appetite enough to take him back to the nest or to his partners. 

And Sam could now understand why Gabriel was so enthusiastic upon hearing what his task involved. At the beginning of the night, the archangel fueled himself up with alcohol which could last for a whole week (even for his brother), then decided to visit the dancefloor around an hour ago and he apparently stuck there. 

The stranger who crept up behind the angel moved even closer to Gabriel, pushing their bodies together to move in a syncronised rhythm while they swayed to the music blasting through the speakers. It was hard not to lose the archangel among the wave of people jumping up and down and making out in the middle of the dancefloor. Sam was angry for multiple reasons: first, Gabriel should be more professional than that, and second, he should not allow a stranger to grope him like that, especially in a public place for all to see. Gabriel was graceful, precious and deserved more respect than that. Sam would bet the guy was only interested in him for the time being until he got what he wanted and fleed the scene in the morning. This thought made Sam’s hair stand up on his arms and feel a new but empowering sensation run through him. 

Sam felt confident and strong, if not a bit light-headed, but who cares? That douchebag was grinding down on Gabriel and leaning too close to his ear for Sam’s liking. The moment the man bit down on the archangel’s ears Sam was up on his feet and making his way towards the pair. The hunter wasn’t thinking, which, in hindsight, was a dangerous move to pull on a hunt and Sam should have been more careful. But as he approached the two men, he couldn’t feel anything except the adrenaline that flowed through his veins and the blood that drummed in his ears. Or maybe that was just the vibrating beat of the music. 

He didn’t remember when he pushed the guy off of Gabriel but he definitely felt better seeing his angel without the other male plastered all over him. The man was offended and obviously frustrated at being interrupted if his puffed chest and narrowed eyes were anything to go by. Sam would have felt intimidated by his broad shoulders and muscular body if he didn’t have 4 inches on the guy and wasn’t a skilled hunter. 

„I think it’s time you get your hands off of him.” Sam growled in a low voice that was probably due to his intoxication. The guy huffed in disbelief and stepped closer to Sam which turned out to be a rather foolish idea on the man’s part since he now became painfully aware of their height difference. The nameless man still attempted to look scary even though Sam could feel his self-assurance slipping. 

„Why is it any of your business?” The guy shouted back over the loud music. Sam didn’t even flinch. 

„Maybe because you were touching my _ boyfriend, _ asshole.” 

The man seemed taken aback (if not scared for life) momentarily, then after assessing his chances he saw it best to retreat to the depths of the club, a wise decision - Sam noted with a proudly raised chin as he watched the man hurry away with some insults still muttered under his breath. 

When Sam made a lazy turn on his heels in self-satisfaction, he was greeted by the sight of a very amused and seemingly proud Gabriel. Sam soon realised he liked this look on the angel. Those piercing irises shone with the intense light of hope and longing and Sam could only do so much to hold himself back. 

„Your boyfriend?” Gabriel laughed sceptically, the quiver in his voice successfully hidden by the deafening blast of music. 

Sam’s only answer was a devilish smirk before stepping closer to the angel and grabbing him by the waist to leave absolutely no room between them. 

„I want everyone to know that you belong ** to me **.” Sam let his words roll off his tongue slowly while he licked a long stripe of skin from Gabriel’s neck up to his ears. Gabriel’s body shook in response and Sam couldn’t help the cocky smirk that formed on his lips. 

He looked the angel straight in the eye and growled out the next words: „You are ** mine **. You don’t get to flirt with, nor dance with anybody else. You are ** my ** angel and ** my ** Gabriel. Understood?” 

Gabriel gulped at their sheer proximity and the dominance in Sam’s voice. From this distance, Sam could see his Adam apple bobble. The hunter was intrigued by the control he seemingly had over the angel at the moment and wondered how far they could take this. He pulled the archangel closer until there was no space between their bodies and used this advantage to ghost his lips over Gabriels’. 

„Get us out of here.” 

*** 

Sam’s heart sped up as Gabriel tossed him onto the bed, eyes bright with excitement and lust. The hunter knew every following step – like a memorized play - that would guarantee mind-blowing sex and soul-consuming guilt in the morning. Sam’s body was reacting to the stimulation with anticipation but he could no longer stick to the script they had been rehearsing for months. 

His heart jumped into his throat as he laid his hand atop Gabriel’s which was eagerly working on the buttons of his shirt. Sam let his lips curve up into an unsure smile as he willed the building nervousness to subside. The angel blinked up at him with eyes full of confusion as Sam shook his head slowly. 

„I know we have our rules,” Sam whispered while he replaced Gabriel’s soft hands with his, exposing skin button by button. „But I want to spend this night with the ** real ** Gabriel.” 

Sam stayed silent as he removed all of their clothing, Gabriel’s eyes watering at the tender touches but trying to act unaffected. Sam didn’t call him out on it, instead, took his sweet time to admire Gabriel’s body as a compensation for all the times he had neglected it. It wasn’t rushed or aggressive. Sam made sure to map Gabriel’s body with his fingers and pepper every sensitive spot with light kisses. The archangel let the hunter set the pace, afraid of destroying such a fragile moment he so desperately had been craving for. 

No matter what anyone said - for Gabriel, it felt like their very first time. Because it probably was. 

*** 

„Does this mean your gay panic is over?” 

Sam burst into a fit of laughter at the archangel’s directness, already sensing the upcoming teasing that Gabriel sure had in mind. So the next moment, the angel found himself buried under a huge pile of pillows, his cry for help coming out as a quiet mumble against the cushions Sam tried to suffocate him with. 

In the morning, Sam woke up to glistening whiskey eyes and the sweet taste of change. When Gabriel brushed their noses gently together and lazily dragged his hands through Sam’s hair, the hunter decided that mornings with the archangel were his favourites. When Gabriel pulled him into a sloppy but affectionate kiss, Sam realised that there was nothing else he would rather wake up to.


End file.
